The Beginning

It seems that I am constantly making plans that I don't follow through with, plotting and creating grand adventures that don't happen, and am continually commoing out dissappointed. This is the end. I have made a decision, I am going to stop waiting for things to get better and just LIVE!!!! Its time to have fun to be wild and crazy and spontanious. Here is to a new beginning.


This is my first adventure just writing of my life as I know it, my successes my failures everything. You are my confidants, the keepers of my secrets. I will be telling of my sorded and juicy details, how you in enjoy!

Here is a little about myself to catch you up on things... I just barely graduated from University at a school I hated. I am now working at a retail store, making absolutely no money and having random flings with guys I could care less about.

My name is Lily Avalon and this is my life...

At the ripe age of twenty one I am ready to start living my life... I am ready to find love, be happy and do things that make a difference.

As far as love goes nothing is looking promising as of yet, I have been dating around as usual, but nothing exciting. First there is Wayne, a work addict, he is quiet and charming with great eyes, because of both of our crazy work schedules we usually only meet for the occasional dinner or a late night tryst.

Then there is Bobby, who is a Volleyball couch for a local school. Seemed wicked cool at first, but now I am starting to wonder if he is gay. Not to mention he is nine years older than me and now just decided to go back to school....don't get me wrong eduaction is important, just would be nice if he was closer to my age.

Last, but not least Grant. Things with Grant are well, complicated to say the least. To begin with, we work together and if that isn't problem enough we actually dated for a short month in school and now I have to see him everyday. Man, I was crazy over the guy for awhile, but of course he is commitment phobe. Apparently the only thing he has for me is a strong phisical attraction, and if he wasn't an amazing kisser I would probably not go there again. Yet, I have to see the guy everyday and always there is that continual flirting and rush of hidden secrets that gets me every time. I honestly don't know why I can't say no to the guy.

So love has been rather alusive to me as of yet...Lately however, I have had one person on my mind. Clark. Tall dark and handsome, fluent in French, does Ironmans for fun and an avid reader he really is my perfect guy. We had a whirlwind encounter my Freshman year of school and then the semester was over. We kept in contact with an e-mail here and there every few months at a time. When we were in school one of us was always dateing someone. Now that I am graduated from University as well we have started talking on the phone again. Things are going well, and I wish we could make a go of it. Just one problem, he is in Washington and I am well.... lets just say its in an obscure state that no one really even things about. In fact when living in New York my boss commented that she thought no one really lived in the state I am from because it is what comes to mind when you think of the Wild West.

So as we can see love is not looking so good right now....

As far as my job, I work at a retail store, which I actually like... Yet, I should probably do something with my degree don't you think?

So this is it my life....hopefully you wont find it too boreing.


xoxo Lily

It wasn't ment to be

I haven't written on here for awhile. Much has changed since I last wrote, almost a year ago. The last posts were about someone I loved and lost that died after being in a coma for awhile.

I want to start this blog anew, no more dark thoughs and sad posts. I have changed since then and I look to the future with hope and purpose.

A Miracle

A Miracle happened, and I can't believe it.  You are alive, you are well, you are free from the prison of your mind.  It hurt me when I first saw you.  The scars that marred your beautiful golden skin.  It hurt me even worse the way you treated me.  As a causal aquaintince, I know I hurt you.  If only you knew the pain I felt over this.  I died the day I found out.  The subsequent months I have been trying to put the pieces back together.  You are alive, you are well and this fact helps me to keep going.  You called me the other day, "I have missed that voice."  If only you knew I hear your voice in my dreams, it surrounds me and fills be and makes me whole.  You are coming back, you want to see me.  Will you be mine again?  I do not know, but the fact that you are fine, you are normal is all I need.  Our bright future is become clearer and I know with time maybe, just maybe, we can reclaim our lost selves.