Trying

Finally some of my prayers were answered. There is a spark behind your eyes now. You laughed, you cried, you spoke. I wish I could have been there to seen it. Nevertheless this knowledge has made me happy. Maybe now I can move on. How do you move on? I don't know I can't figure it our, but I am trying. Everyday I try to push you to the back of my mind, but you always come find me. You are always there. I Love you, I can't help it, and this fact is what is making trying to get over you impossible. If only you knew, and even if you did would things be different? I don't think that they would. You were the one that got away, the fact that I can't even me there to comfort you kills me. Will this ache ever go away? I think these things just get easier with time.

I walked away

I walked away from you, I left your question unanswered. This is the greatest mistake of my life, I wish I would have told you I loved you, I want to be with you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I WAS SCARED.....I walked away. I didn't look back and this fact is killing me. It kills me that you didn't know, that I didn't tell you. Please don't die, don't die without knowing. I am filled with regret, with remorse for what I did. Please forgive me, my love I would give anything to relive that day. I was wrong, and I would give anything to spend just one more day with you.

Still Praying

The days have turned into weeks and still there is no change. You lay there unmoving unhealed. When will you be better? I pray for you constantly and beg God for a miracle. I beg him to return you to me, but now I am wondering if my prayer will go unanswered. When will my tears stop falling, when will you no longer haunt me? I am beginning to think I will never find joy again. I don't know how I can. You made me happier then I have ever been, and I thank you for that. I truly thought you were the one, and I still do. I have now lost you twice, and the bright hope of our future grows dimmer with each passing day. Will this light burn out? I pray to God that it doesn't and you will awake from this nightmare to reignight the flame. I am sorry I didn't realize how wonderful everything was when it was still mine, I didn't truly apppreciate it and I am sorry. Please return to me so we can go on again, so that the rest of my life is not filled with regret. Awake.....and liberate me.

Unseen

Your eyes opened and that brought such joy to my heart, but that joy has now turned to pain. You stare up into nothing. You can't see me with those unseeing eyes of yours. You eyes have a haunted look and I pray that you are not reliving that horrible night over and over. I wish I could just go back and save you from this horrible fate, protect you. I am angry that you didn't keep your promise. I looked into your face as you laughed and said you wouldn't go, I knew you were lying but I didn't want to believe it. Time without you passes slowly, as much as I try to stay busy I still find myself dwelling on you. I swear I see you everywhere, you are haunting me. I walk in a daze and when anyone says the word Happy I cringe......that word belongs to you. It has a new meaning for me now. I am fearful that you will never be the same, that you will always stare up with those unseeing eyes. When will you see me again? I beg it is not in the next life after we pass on. My memories of you can't conceive that fate.

Two Weeks

It has now been to weeks since the accident, and I still can't move on. The very thought of you makes me happy and sad at the same time. Remembering your smile brings me to tears and once again I am filled with regret. It hurts so much that I often forget to breath and each day I have to force myself to get up and go on living. You opened your eyes yesterday they said, for the first time in two weeks. This small feat filled me with such joy, the fact that maybe there is some hope after all. That is the first time I have truly smiled in awhile. I dream of you and the life we might have had, sometimes I think I can really feel your arms around me. I wander if in your deep slumber you are dreaming of me too. I wish they would let me see you, they say you can recognize voices, would you remember mine, If I finally told you I love you would you hear and remember. I am trying to go on and live my life without you in it, and I discovered that I can. Yet, I don't like it as much and when I remember my old life I just want to travel back and reclaim it. I miss you, return to me, smile at me again...........I'll see you in my dreams.

I never told you I loved you

I wasn’t sure if I should right this, in light of everything that has happened. Yet, I can’t help but feeling the need to tell you this. When I heard what happened my heart broke for the second time. The thought of a world without you seemed an unbearable thing. When you left me I was sad, but I knew that you were okay and that you would be happy with her, and that made it okay. The fact that I never told you how I felt about us or the fact that I truly did love you faded away. We were still friends and I knew in time I would be able to tell you. A bond like ours doesn’t go unforgotten. Rarely do I find someone that I can truly be myself around, I don’t have to put on airs or pretend that I am something I am not. You accepted me for who I am and that meant the world for me. You told me to take a chance on you and I did, it didn’t end up the way I expected but it was good. You treated me better than another man has and I want to thank you for that. It hurt me when you left, but it gave me hope that one day I would find someone that would treat me like you did again and I looked forward to it. I remember how excited you used to get to me see me, and I felt so infinite at that moment I never wanted to look back. I am sorry I didn’t trust you fully, didn’t recognize a good thing when I had it. I wish I had, I would have been a little kinder and trusting, I wouldn’t have pushed you away like I did. I guess I was just scared, I told you that I suck at commitment, oh to just relive those moments again, I would give anything to spend just one more day with you. I know this will be easier with time. I tried to move on, I found solace in the fact that you were happy, and that’s all I wanted was you to be happy even if it wasn’t with me. Then this happened and I am drowning in regret in the what might have beens, and the should haves. I should have told you I loved you when I had the chance, I love you like the truest friend and I care about you so much. I haven’t slept in a week; my dreams are haunted by your face. Even in my waking hours you are always on my mind, I beg God every moment that you will just be okay. Every day I expect to wake from this night mare, that this was just some outlandish dream. I am consumed by the very thought of you, I can’t eat, food is like ash in my mouth. I suffer because you suffer; because I love you so much the thought of you suffering is slowly killing me. I cry a little less each day, but the ache is still there. I just want you to be okay, I want you to wake and be your normal self again. Please return, I wish you would return to me, but if you don’t that is okay. I am content just knowing that you are alive and well, and that you are happy. You see that is all that I really want for you; I just want you to have the best the world has to offer. Please get well my love, that’s all I ask of you.