I never told you I loved you

I wasn’t sure if I should right this, in light of everything that has happened. Yet, I can’t help but feeling the need to tell you this. When I heard what happened my heart broke for the second time. The thought of a world without you seemed an unbearable thing. When you left me I was sad, but I knew that you were okay and that you would be happy with her, and that made it okay. The fact that I never told you how I felt about us or the fact that I truly did love you faded away. We were still friends and I knew in time I would be able to tell you. A bond like ours doesn’t go unforgotten. Rarely do I find someone that I can truly be myself around, I don’t have to put on airs or pretend that I am something I am not. You accepted me for who I am and that meant the world for me. You told me to take a chance on you and I did, it didn’t end up the way I expected but it was good. You treated me better than another man has and I want to thank you for that. It hurt me when you left, but it gave me hope that one day I would find someone that would treat me like you did again and I looked forward to it. I remember how excited you used to get to me see me, and I felt so infinite at that moment I never wanted to look back. I am sorry I didn’t trust you fully, didn’t recognize a good thing when I had it. I wish I had, I would have been a little kinder and trusting, I wouldn’t have pushed you away like I did. I guess I was just scared, I told you that I suck at commitment, oh to just relive those moments again, I would give anything to spend just one more day with you. I know this will be easier with time. I tried to move on, I found solace in the fact that you were happy, and that’s all I wanted was you to be happy even if it wasn’t with me. Then this happened and I am drowning in regret in the what might have beens, and the should haves. I should have told you I loved you when I had the chance, I love you like the truest friend and I care about you so much. I haven’t slept in a week; my dreams are haunted by your face. Even in my waking hours you are always on my mind, I beg God every moment that you will just be okay. Every day I expect to wake from this night mare, that this was just some outlandish dream. I am consumed by the very thought of you, I can’t eat, food is like ash in my mouth. I suffer because you suffer; because I love you so much the thought of you suffering is slowly killing me. I cry a little less each day, but the ache is still there. I just want you to be okay, I want you to wake and be your normal self again. Please return, I wish you would return to me, but if you don’t that is okay. I am content just knowing that you are alive and well, and that you are happy. You see that is all that I really want for you; I just want you to have the best the world has to offer. Please get well my love, that’s all I ask of you.